Last post I wrote how I’m in favor of productive fear.
But productive fear has a criminal cousin: destructive fear. And if we’re going to max our motivation in life and work, we’ve got to know the difference between these two.
Then we’ve got to figure out how to steer clear of destructive fears while embracing productive fears.
So, how do we tell them apart?
First, let’s revisit productive fear. Productive fear comes from a clear-eyed sense of the consequences that follow our choices. It’s being in touch with, and respecting, the reality of cause and effect. If we don’t land the sale, we don’t get paid. If we don’t act now, we’ll miss the opportunity. We sense that we must act or lose. And we don’t want to lose. That’s productive fear.
Then there’s destructive fear, described by clinical psychologist Henry Cloud as “toxic relational stress,” “the kind of fear where people are afraid of a person, instead of concerned with the issue.”1 When we’re afraid of disapproval or shame or anger, from bosses and spouses and so on, we’ve crossed into destructive fear. “If leaders speak in aggressive, angry, or ‘put-down’ tones, if they use harsh words and overly critical ways,” Cloud writes, “it can trigger a stress response in the other person.” A boss can create destructive fears with tone and style. Their style of addressing a problem can add to the problem instead of solve the problem. Their mannerisms can push people past productive fear into destructive fear, creating unintended consequences of resentment, inferior work performance, and more.
Dr. Cloud also notes a difference between productive and destructive fear in the level of fear itself. When we’re slightly stressed at work, under deadline pressure for example, we’re highly productive. But when the pressure rises too much, performance plummets. We’re too stressed to give our best. Productive fear becomes destructive fear when the fear level or stress level goes past a certain point.
1Dr. Henry Cloud, Boundaries For Leaders: Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge (New York: Harper Business, 2013), p. 65.
